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May all your efforts to create more cooperative families, workplaces and communities be blessed with success. (This workbook is available as a series of free web pages and PDF files at Communication-Skills.NET.)
NINE TRANSFORMATIONS FOR NEW CONVERSATIONS
INTRODUCTION and OVERVIEW
TRANSFORMATION 1 :: AWAKEN TO, EPLORE, & CULTIVATE the life path of conscious conversations.
TRANSFORMATION 2 :: LISTENING: Make richer and more genuine contact with your conversations partner by listening more carefully and responsively.
TRANSFORMATION 3 :: INVITING: Start new conversations by declaring your intent and inviting the consent of the other person (“the conversation before the conversation”).
TRANSFORMATION 4 :: EXPRESSING: Explore the “Five I-Messages” self-inventory as a way of both understanding yourself more deeply and then expressing yourself more clearly and completely.
TRANSFORMATION 5 :: TRANSLATING: Resolve everyday conflicts by translating criticisms and complaints into requests pointing toward positive results. Re-frame your partners-in-conflict as problem-solvers rather than problem-makers.
TRANSFORMATION 6 :: CREATIVE QUESTIONING: Explore new possibilities by asking questions more open-endedly and more creatively. “Your question is the quest you’re on.” (Sam Keen) Learn from great traditions of questioning to expand the horizons of your life and your skills at coordinating and negotiating.
TRANSFORMATION 7 :: DEVELOPING A GRATEFUL HEART: Deepen all your relationships by seeing with grateful eyes and expressing more gratitude, appreciation, encouragement and delight. The bonds of mutual appreciation help to make our relationships strong enough to hold the tensions of problem solving.
TRANSFORMATION 8 :: ALWAYS LEARNING: Shift evolutionary gears: Adopt the continuous learning stance by opening to the lesson hidden in each moment and embracing the built-in awkwardness of developing new skills — the trial-and-error nature of deep learning.
TRANSFORMATION 9 :: WIDENING THE LEARNING CIRCLES: Work together with peer partners to build wider circles of mutual support for cooperative communication skills — for both ourselves and for the wider world around us.
CHAPTER 10 :: EXPLORING THE RIGHT TO INVITE AND THE NEED TO NURTURE: Reaching Out to Advocate and Mend in a Troubled World.
Dedicated to Marshall Rosenberg, Barnett Pearce, Ramon Panikkar, and Joanna Macy, four of
my teachers, and to the creative team-builders and peacemakers in every culture and faith.
Where there is a clash of wills, may we bring the light of new understanding and a meeting of hearts.
In the spirit of the teachers mentioned above, this workbook carries a Creative Commons copyright license. Anyone may republish it or make as many copies of all or parts of it as they wish. For more information about the details of this Creative Commons license, please see the reverse side of the title page.
The Loom of Emergence
We weave together words to make sentences.
We weave together sentences, and listening, and turns, to make conversations.
We weave together conversations and actions to make relationships.
We weave together relationships to make families and communities.
We weave together communities to make a shared world.